Excuses - Part Four

Here's part four. I hope you guys like it!

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I sat at the kitchen table, sipping hot tea, thinking about how long it was since I last saw Dillon-four weeks. It seemed like several months, but really it was just one. I'd been drowning myself in work, and studies, and the puppy, which I had named Faith. On the dark wood table, I had a picture of Dillon and I together at a carnival last year. We were surrounded be a group of friends, and Dillon's family, standing in front of the big Ferris wheel. We both looked so happy. My gaze wasn't on the camera, but on a child wandering around laughing. You could see the longing in my eyes, deep and unquenchable. There was a sadness in my eyes, hardly noticeable it was hidden so well. Dillon had on a beaming smile, his arm around my waist. I was leaning into him slightly, but I could see now that I was holding myself back. I frowned as I noticed something, a few people were looking at us with judgemental eyes. Those who were closest to us were judging us because of the difference in our ages.

Dillon was 25, I was 36. An eleven year gap, too big for most to get past, including me. I shouldn't have ignored it for as long as I did, almost two years now. Faith pawed at my legs, scratching my bare skin, and pulling me back from my thoughts. I put the photograph face down, so I couldn't see it.

"Hey, Faithey," I picked her up and kissed her nose. She licked my face and wagged her tail, "What's up, you hungry?" She whined, and I put her down on the floor. I put a cup of food in her bowl, and gave her fresh water. I jumped when I heard the door open.

"Hello?" I asked, wrapping my short black silk robe around my purple chemise. Faith started barking, and ran to the door. I followed her slowly, gasping as I saw who it was. "Dillon! What on earth are you doing here?" He brought his attention from Faith to me, and his smile widened.

"When did you get a dog?"

"A while ago," I stood still as Faith sniffed Dillon and looked up at him, wagging her tail. Traitor, I thought. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you," I sighed, and looked at Faith, who was pawing at Dillon's leg.

"Dillon, don't do this," I told him. He looked me over, causing me to shiver involuntarily.

"I like your outfit," Dillon's voice was husky. My face blushed bright red. He was wearing a light grey t-shirt with a Tennessee Titan's logo. I chuckled, it was the shirt I wore my last night at his house. He was wearing sweats, but you could see the slight tent at his crotch. I looked at his face and he was looking at mine, with a mischievous grin.

"Please, don't do this..." My voice trailed off, and I took a step back.

"Nara, I don't care how old you are. I don't care about anything but you." Dillon rushed to me before I had a chance to back away. I was wrapped in his arms, and I stood still, waiting for him to move away. "I love you so much, Nara." My chest tightened, and I pushed him away from me.

"I care," I walked to the kitchen, and grabbed the photograph off the table. Walking back to the living room, I sat down on the love seat. I motioned for Dillon to sit beside me. He did, and I showed him the picture. "Look," I told him.

"It's us, last year. At the carnival."

"No, look harder." I said, harsher than I meant to.

"I don't get it, Nara." I sighed, and put my hand to my forehead.

"Look," I pointed to my face in the picture. "I'm looking at a child. You can tell I'm sad because I can't have children. Look at everyone else in the picture." I pointed to the faces of our friends and family, "They're judging us, you can see it on their faces."

"Nara, I didn't come here to be told reasons why we can't be together. I came her to tell you something." I nodded, biting my lip.

"What is it?"

"I'm moving." I froze, looking down at the picture of us. My mind faded away, working on overtime, imagining what life would be like with out Dillon, based on what it had been like the past month-dull, and lonely.

"Nara!" I snapped back to reality.

"Sorry." I stood up, and gave him a weak smile. "That's just not what I was expecting." I set the photo down on the coffee table and looked around.

"I'm sorry." Dillon was still sitting, and he was looking at me.

"Where are you moving to?" I was ready to pack up and leave, as long as I could stay with him.

"I'm not sure yet."

"Oh, well that's good. Go live life." My heart clenched as I said this, "You should travel!" My voice went shrill and I cringed.

"Nara, I don't have to go." He stood up, gripping my arms.

"No. No, you don't." I pulled my hands away, "But you should." I gave him a smile, it was weak, but I tried.

"I don't want to." I looked at him, and smiled, "Not without you."

"Dillon..." My voice trailed off as his hand caressed my cheek.

"Let's just try. I swear, if it happens again, I'll never leave you."

"I can't do that to you," I pulled away from Dillon and turned to face the wall. I pretended to look at a picture on the wall, but it was of a sunset at Dillon's ranch, and it only reminded me of him. "You don't know what it's like, it's devastating."

"Fine, I can't force you to stay with me." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, "I just don't understand why you started something that didn't have a chance."

"I didn't think it would turn out like this," I pulled my robe tighter and walked out of the room, and down the hall to mine. Dillon followed me, and I heard Faith's paws padding lightly over the hardwood floors behind us.

"It doesn't have to, Nara." I whirled around and glared at him.

"You don't get it. You don't know what I went through, and you won't because I love you too much to make you go through that. You can't ever recover from it," I raised my voice. I wanted him to understand, I wanted him to know that what we had couldn't be. "Dillon, you're 25. You have a chance at a family, I've already had mine. I want you to get out of this town, and go find that person who you're meant to be with."

"I've already found her," stepping closer to me, I saw a tear fall down his cheek. I was hurting him so much more than I needed to.

"You only think you have," I closed the gap between us, and gave him a friendly hug. Kissing his cheek I said, "Goodbye, Dillon. Call me when you get settled." I pulled away and led him to the front door. "I love you."

He slowly walked to his truck, and waved to me before backing out of the driveway. I waved back, and watched until his truck could no longer be seen.

"You okay, Nara?" I heard a voice to my side and looked over. It was my neighbor, David. I nodded to him, and smiled before going back into the quiet house and closing the door.

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It's not over yet, I've got a twist or two up my sleeve.